Career Highlights 
EXCERPT FROM HOUNDED: 
A LOVE STORY - THE NAME GAME


Felix slides between the sheets and thrashes around, in search of the perfect position for ten or twenty winks. As soon as he is able to get comfortable, Muffin jumps up onto the bed. Felix reflexively starts to boot him off, but stops in mid-kick, captivated by Muffin’s bedtime ritual; the dog sniffs every inch of the bed, and rolls around in the sheets, growling at imaginary foes. He paws at the comforter, brutalizing it, then after circling endlessly, he drops onto a pillow a couple inches from Felix’s head. Felix wrinkles up his nose, “Man, you smell.” 

“I don’t smell anything,” says Muffin.

“You smell everything.”

“You could take me to Miss Monique.” 

“Who is Miss Monique?” 

“The lady my old family took me to when I got stinky.” 

“Why aren’t you with your family anymore?” 

“You’d have to ask them,” says Muffin as he turns away, “And don’t go telling anyone that I talk.”    

“Who would I even tell?”   

“Just promise you won’t.”

“Fine, I promise. Did you talk to them?” 

“Who?” 

“Your old family.” 

“No.”  

“What’ s so special about me?”  

“Nothing, really.”

The following morning, Muffin strolls onto the patio and jumps up on the chaise where Felix is noshing on a bagel. Muffin takes a lick of cream cheese, and asks, “Can we talk?” 

“Apparently,” says Felix.

“The name Muffin, I don’t like it. They gave it to me at the shelter.” 

“You can have any name you want.” 

“Really?” 

“Sure.”  

“Okay, I want something strong and powerful. A name everyone knows so you don’t have to waste time explaining.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” says Felix.

“So what’s a good name?” asks Muffin.

“Let’s both put on our thinking caps.” Felix mimes placing a cap over the cap on his head.

Muffin has an idea, “How ‘bout Jesus Christ?”

Felix makes a face. “Could be controversial.”

Muffin has another idea. “Voldemort!”

“That name’s not going to make you too many friends.”

Muffin thinks. Then offers, “Honest Abe?”

“Too dated.”

“Hercules?”

“More dated.”

“I got it,” announces Muffin, “Hafthór Júlíus Björnsson!” 

“Who the hell is that?”

“The winner of the Strongman Contest. You are out of the loop.”

“I can’t really see me calling that name a few times a day.”

“Don’t you have any names for me?” Muffin asks.

‘“I don’t know… Spider-Man?”

Muffin shakes his head, “Really? Spider-Man? The guy every little kid dresses up as for Halloween?” 

“Ever see Star Wars?” asks Felix.

“Not a bad movie,” comments Muffin.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi might be a cool name,” suggests Felix.

“Or Darth Vader,” says Muffin. 

“Darth,” Felix mulls it over, “By Jove, I think you’ve got it!”


Jeffrey Pohn Author

jeffpohn@gmail.com
Based in Los Angeles, CA

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